Longing
by Flaming Tigress Mage
Summary: Sometimes, Silver wishes that he has a family. Slight spoilers through Vol 13 of the Pokemon manga, Japanese names


Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

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Sometimes, Silver wishes that he has a family.

He would think about this sometimes, when he was on missions for Lance, and wonder what it would be like to be raised among normal parents, rather than having been taken by Mask of Ice. Silver can picture a mother, warm and soft, smiling at him and taking care of him whenever he got hurt. This imaginary mother would daub at whatever scrapes he would happen to have gotten from a day's adventures, and say something like "Be more careful next time, Silver!" It was what moms were supposed to do, provide comfort and protection. Maybe she would have his eyes. Or would it be the other way around? Silver suspects that the parent is usually the one said to pass the traits down to their children, although one never knows.

As appealing as the image of the not-mother was, Silver doesn't think about her that much. He had never had a really mothering figure in his life besides Blue, and Blue was good enough for him. When his thoughts turn to his nonexistent family, he thinks more often of his absent father, and what kind of a person he is. Was Silver's father nice, or was he what had once been described to him as a "don't-care" sort? Silver doesn't care that much; anything had to be better than having Mask of Ice as the only father figure in his life, but he secretly hopes that his father was the first kind of father. When thinking about it, Silver wants a father who would appear to be gruff and strong in front of everyone else, but be nice and share private jokes with Silver when they were all alone.

His father, of course, will be a Pokémon trainer, maybe even a former Champion. Mask of Ice had once said something about his ability running in his blood. Logically, Silver realized that his mother could be the Pokémon trainer to which his former master had referred, but something about the idea made Silver discard it. While knowing (quite well, too) how strong of trainers girls could be, that can't be his _mom_. His mom is the person to stay at home and take care of the family, not like his dad, who undoubtedly goes out and challenges trainers and rogue Pokémon daily. No, his father must be the trainer of the family, a tough trainer with messy hair and widely acknowledged by everyone around him as the best.

When the loneliness gets too bad and Blue can't be reached on her Pokégear, Silver passes the time by playing a game that Blue had taught him when they broke out – imagining his reunion with his parents when he finally found them. He imagines his not-mother, hair as long and messy as his own, who has been grieving for him ever since he was taken nine years ago, blotting at her eyes with a handkerchief and blinking slowly before running to embrace her returned son. He sees his not-father, with a hand in Silver's hair, ruffling it and saying, "You little rascal, you made it home after all, all by yourself, didn't you?" and a look of pride in his eyes, an acknowledgement that Silver had grown up from the little two-year old that he used to be.

Other times, when thoughts of his family don't distract Silver from the cold, hard fact that he had none, Silver hates the other trainers surrounding him, and the way that they took their families for granted. He especially hates Blue's new friends, Red and Green. They already _have_ families – they didn't need to take Blue as well. Oh, Green especially had earned Silver's ire. Not only did Green already have a famed grandfather, and undoubtedly loving parents, he already _has_ a big sister, and there was no reason at all that he should have Blue as well, and he should stop looking at Silver's– sister? Loved one? Silver trips over that one temporarily before resuming – that way or else Silver was going to _kill_ him for defiling Blue with his filthy eyes. But of course, _Green_, famed gym leader of Viridian City, didn't take any notice of this.

Silver panics for a moment when he reaches this thought – is that the reason that Blue hangs around him? He briefly concocts plans involving either becoming Viridian's gym leader or convincing his all-powerful not-father to take the post, before discarding them. While his not-father would surely scare Green into crapping his pants and staying the _hell_ away from Blue, there is no guarantee that his not-father isn't already a gym leader at another location. With a not-father as awesome as Silver's had to be, he had probably already become a gym leader. Regardless of the fact, Silver can start with small steps. Maybe he could actually muster up the effort to talk to Green about his _totally inappropriate fascination with Silver's precious person_ instead of settling for merely glaring at Green every time Silver sees him.

But even more than Green's evil sister-stealing ways, or how Blue had called Red her boyfriend (he tensed up for a good five minutes at the reminder of her adventures before she had been officially granted her Pokédex), Silver really hates Gold. That guy…he has everything. He has the loving mom that Silver had never had, and she's even a Pokémon trainer, to boot! Silver's not-mother sadly pales in comparison to Gold's mom, but that was okay because it just proves that Gold needed a super-cool mom to beat out his dad. Silver has no clue about Gold's father, but he is undoubtedly a loser trainer, who had been trying to beat the reputation of Silver's not-father for _years_, and never coming _close_. Just like Gold himself, never able to beat Silver – well, not really…alright, that was probably a bad parallel, because Silver's not-father probably wiped the floor with Gold's dad instead of ending up losing to him because he was trying to use a borrowed Pokémon at the time. Anyways.

And what did Gold do, being blessed with the bounty of having a loving and caring mother whom he could find? Gold up and _left_ her! Oh, Silver had heard it, all right. Gold had only accompanied that kid into town to get a radio talk-show host's autograph. How lame was that? Then afterwards, Gold didn't even have the _guts_ to tell his mother, "I'm leaving now! I'll be back soon!" No, Gold sent the _kid_ back to tell her! Silver knew for a fact that if he had to leave his not-mother to go on a journey that he'd be sure to spend his last day at home with her, reassuring her with his not-father present that he'd be fine, and sure to call as often as he could.

Yes, sometimes, Silver looks at the stupid trainers around him, and how they took their families for granted, and wishes that Mask of Ice had never kidnapped him, those nine years ago. Sometimes, Silver wishes that he has a family.

But, sometimes…

Sometimes, Silver will be taken aback at the things that everyone is willing to do in order to protect their own. Silver will be pissed at Gold for being so completely ridiculous and fun-loving, but then he looks at the photo of the prime suspect in the investigation for the Elm Pokémon Lab robbery, and would snicker at the reminder that Gold had undoubtedly doctored the photo. He'll be angry at Blue for taking time away from him to spend with that Green guy who _so totally didn't deserve her_, only to find out that the supposed "date" was just another way of them getting together to save the world from complete destruction/takeover (and just how many of those were they going to experience? It seems like the last few years had gone _highly_ over statistical averages to Silver) and that Blue had actually cleared the next day to tell Silver all about it.

Sometimes, Silver will be pissed at Gold for not knowing something as _trivial_ as where a Pokémon's vital spot was, and then inexplicably proud that Gold managed to hit it the instant after Silver told him where it was. Or he'll be nervous about Blue putting herself into danger, but then grudgingly grateful to both Red and Green for getting her out of it.

In a way, Silver supposes, he already has a family. Blue, if not outright his mother, is definitely his mischievous big sister, tricking both the guys who dare associate with her out of all their money. Gold, in a way, is like a brother around his own age. They have huge fights with the other, yelling all the time about how the other sucked, but in the end, when someone turned on one of them, the other would inevitably protect the first. Or, at least, Silver hopes so. He'd gotten a pretty good indication of it from (snicker) that doctored photo, but that was no guarantee of behavior. Oh, well. If they aren't brothers, then they are at least friendly rivals, and Silver could live with that. (Secretly, he refuses to accept anything other than the title of "brother" for Gold, whether or not the klutz acknowledged it.)

Red and Green are the inevitable suitors, who show up at the door looking for Silver's sister, and who Silver felt _perfectly_ justified in turning away, but willing to overlook if they made Blue happy (but just the once, you hear him?). Yellow is a little sister (and Silver doesn't _care_ if she's older than he is, a girl shorter than him is his _little _sister, got it?), because Blue loves her and takes care of her, and so he figures that his protection is probably extended to her, and so help him God if Red ever decides to shift his focus from _one_ of Silver's sisters to the _other_ (as Silver suspects is happening, for even if Red has the decency to know that he would never be good enough for Blue (unlike a _certain_ idiot), it was rude and uncalled for if Red didn't devote his _full_ attention to Silver's wonderful, amazing big sister if he wanted to court her), then Silver will murder him. And laugh. At the funeral. _Loudly_.

So yes, sometimes, Silver wishes that he has a family. Sometimes, Silver wishes that Mask of Ice never kidnapped him, and that he was still living happy and oblivious with his nice, pretty not-mother and his strong, amazing not-father.

But the rest of the time, Silver is pretty happy with the one he's got already.

Even if he's willing to murder Gold if his brother ever acts like a perv towards either of their sisters.

Even then. That's family, isn't it?

And he is content.


End file.
